Confidence. That elusive word that at one time would send chills down my spine and makes my stomach fill with nausea. The word that when associated with women it would paint a picture in my head of a warrior woman standing tall and strong, the opposite of who I viewed myself to be.
Confidence. “Be confident in who you are.” “Confidence is the key to success.” “Fake it until you make it.” “Everyone likes a confident person.” Day by day we are barraged by constant noise telling us to be confident even if we don’t feel confident. The world views confidence as a state of mind. If you believe in yourself you will be confident; if you just would change your thought processes and so on. The advice that the mainstream media gives on confidence is flawed. It is flawed at its core. Forcing a fake persona that is covering a broken spirit will always fail. Sure, you can keep up the façade of confidence like a shroud around you in public, but at night when you are all alone and you look into the mirror and want to change everything that makes up who you are, you know that your spirit is still crushed.
If you were to go to a playground on a sunny day and looked around, you would notice tiny confident children doing whatever they wanted to, without trepidation or fear. These small children do not look over their shoulders for the approval of others. They are confident in who they perceive themselves to be. Even the most timid child doesn’t doubt himself.
Where do we go wrong? What causes us to lose our self-worth and confidence in who we are? Whether it is from poor parenting, abusive situations, that one girl/guy in middle school who made fun of our clothes, whatever the reason may be, the sad fact is that while the world may be wrong in their application of the word confidence they are correct that confidence impacts every area of our lives. I believe whole-heartedly that you cannot fake confidence. I believe that it stems from the inside, not the thoughts that we think or the words that we say, but from inside our Spirits. When we are crushed by whatever we can’t be, it takes more than happy thoughts and books or blogs on the topic of confidence to fix what is broken.
A broken spirit isn’t easy to repair. A broken spirit can only be repaired through true acceptance and learning to love yourself again. Loving yourself and knowing that you were wonderfully and fearfully made by the one who sacrificed it all for you will restore the confidence you seek. It won’t happen overnight, but slowly and steadily you will begin to see yourself the way God sees you, and most likely the way those around you see you as well.
With God’s love,